A friend of mine recently took offense to being called a ‘mature dater’. He said he took great offense to it, because it made him sound like a cheese. I suggested that perhaps thinking of it in terms of a bottle of wine that has got better over time was more acceptable.
For many mature daters, there may be more of a reluctance to accept that they may need to limit parties to the occasional weekend so they aren’t too burned out for work, while many will put their hands up to occasionally needing to stop and take a breather now and then, particularly if stairs are involved. At the same time my friend insisted there was something about the term ‘mature dating’ that just grated on his nerves. As he said: “Perhaps it’s the implication that I’ve been doing it wrong all these years, or even that I should only be using specialist sites and not bothering the youngsters.”
None of us like to admit when we have a few more years on the clock perhaps than some of the other people around us of an evening, especially when it comes to online dating, which has traditionally been seen as something of a youngster’s game. But what exactly do we mean by ‘mature dating’? I know people who have developed one or two silver hairs to add an air of distinction to their appearance and who will swear blind they only have a few laughter lines, rather than anything like wrinkles.
They still feel as lively and vibrant as when they were in their twenties. If they want ‘mature’ conversation, then they have work colleagues or other groups of people they’ve stayed in touch with over the years, but they’re just as happy chilling out in the bar as anyone else. For some, it’s just a sheer love of life, whereas others are finding themselves newly out of long term relationships
This last group especially makes up a growing number of online daters. Many will say they miss the companionship of old partners but they’re emphatically not dead yet. Most ‘mature daters’ already know what some of us take years to realise – that relationships and dating are meant to be fun, and a little unpredictability is part of the spice of life.
I suggested to my friend that this was perhaps what lay behind his distrust of the ‘mature’ label. That as someone very definitely young at heart, he’s rebelling against the implication of being a bit of a stick in the mud. And why not? Let’s not confuse age with maturity, or even maturity with being sensible.
If you’re one of our more mature readers and still thinking about taking the plunge, just go for it. What do you have to lose?