A friend was recently talking about someone she’d met on-line a few months ago and how he’d made it clear that he didn’t have time to commit to a serious relationship for three reasons: he’d just started a new job, didn’t feel ready to settle and was also still new to the city. My friend, on the other hand, is looking for a serious relationship but still wants to have fun with him despite the red flags. At this point, she said, she was seeing him every other week or so but was beginning to wonder if it was worth sticking with it. Her main concern was whether it could be casual dating if they managed to see each other every week as she wasn’t sure if she could cope with just a short term relationship. Could this lead to something more?
My take on this is that she isn’t being unreasonable to want to see him every week, and that this doesn’t take it outside the bounds of casual dating. Aside from there being no expression of exclusivity or long term commitment, there’s not much else to separate casual from regular dating – the most important thing is the quality of the time and nature of the connection, rather than the calendar arrangements.
Is it possible for a casual date to become something more? Well anything is possible, and I’ve experienced it myself. Some people just take longer to work out the compatibility of their date and their relationship. The key component here though, as in pretty much anything, is communication. If you don’t want to wait too long to find out where you stand then you have to be prepared to ask the awkward questions rather than just let them drift.
I think my friend is being rotated into her date’s schedule to fit in with the other people he’s seeing, so she needs to have a long think about where she stands on that. She can either accept that, or pull away and seek someone else – because there are always other options.
Just remember, be clear with each other as to what you want, what you are needing and what is a deal breaker, and you’ll find dating a much easier game.
Good Luck