Ask many women who they turn to for advice in love and life and you’ll usually hear them say they listen to their friends above all else. May we suggest that perhaps you should be a bit more selective about which of your friends you listen to. It can be very easy to forget how subjective the advice we get from friends is, and to let it override the opinions of perhaps the people we should be worrying about – i.e., the guys we’re trying to date.
Here are some classic comments and bits of advice that we’ve all had in the past, and why you need to think twice about taking them at face value:
- “You Look Great” – look at the comments on any photo you place on a social media site and you can bet that any negative or non-affirming comments will come from other women. Remember, when you’re dating the person whose opinion you’re looking to catch is the guy you’re looking to date, not your friends.
- “You Can Do Better” – the danger of this statement is that it gives us the idea that we deserve a certain level of partner. What your friends are usually saying is that they don’t understand what you see in each other. People forget that we generally seek out at our own levels. If it were really true that we can always do better, then remember that the guy would be thinking that too.
- “Never Settle” – How many times have you heard someone say that they won’t settle down because they’re worth it, or because they have so many options? This completely misses the point that no one is that amazing, and that everyone settles for something or someone – they just convince themselves they don’t
- “Men Are Intimidated By You” – this is often taken as a compliment when it really shouldn’t be. Generally men are not in fear of confident, clever or successful women, but they may find some element of their personality unlikeable. Putting it down to intimidation means you may be overlooking a chance to re-examine how you’re behaving on dates.
- “You Should Ask Him Out” – unless the guy is terminally shy or timid or just hasn’t got a clue that you’re interested, wait for him to ask you out
With all this suspect advice floating around, the best advice we can give is to choose the people you ask with care. Look for the people you know care about you and then listen or read that advice carefully. Try not to project your own fears onto it, but listen instead for the subtext – that’s where the truth lies.