Perhaps one of the most clichéd pieces of advice we ever hear is that successful relationships rely on good communication. And yet how many times do we fall out or get into problems because we don’t do enough to promote positive communication? Positive communication means taking an active and continued role in making sure that you and your partner communicate effectively.
So what should we all be doing if we want better communications in our relationships?
- Listen to your partner – It sounds simple but it can be a minefield if you don’t realise that sometimes all your partner wants is someone to listen to them. If you can manage that without making assumptions about what they want to say and cutting them off, and can remember that sometimes people just need someone to use as a sounding board, like talking to a mirror, then you’re well on the way to improving your communication abilities as a couple.
- Don’t make judgements – It should go without saying that everyone has, and is entitled to, their own opinion and feelings. You and your partner should be comfortable being able to express them to each other without an automatic response of “Don’t be stupid” or something similar. If you give the impression that you will automatically judge and disapprove of what they say, they won’t want to talk about anything – especially about things that are important to them.
- Mind your body language – Good body language can help immensely. Maintain eye contact rather than looking around at everything and everyone else around you while they are talking or they’ll feel like you’re not interested in what they have to say.
- Be honest without being heartless – There’s nothing more important that honesty in any relationship, but the way you tell them is also important. This is particularly important if you’re saying something unpleasant or challenging, so watch your tone as it has more of an effect than you might expect.
- Let go of power struggles – your own egos can easily get in the way, especially when you’re arguing or if something goes wrong. If you focus less on who was to blame and more on how to fix the problem, you’ll have a lot more energy and good will towards each other.
Men and women do communicate in different ways, or rather with different focuses, but it is possible to find a middle ground. For men this might mean making more of an effort to talk about emotional issues than might feel comfortable at first; while women might need to learn when to leave their partner alone and not push for more information. Hopefully this will give you some pointers to avoid some of the most common pitfalls for couples.