We’ve all had them – that moment where you’re all ready to jump into the fray and move from on-line flirting to meeting them in the flesh for that first date. The banter might be good. They can make you laugh with their cheeky ways. You get that little buzz when you know they’re on-line – so you agree to talk on the phone before making that commitment.
Even just that initial conversation hits all the right spots – whether it’s the ease with which you slip into conversation, or they just have the right accent and timbre of voice to get your heart and other parts all a-tingle – until something they say just cuts the whole conversation dead.
It might be that they passionately dislike a book that you’ve fallen in love with, or can’t stand dogs, or have a fervour for church going that you find just that little bit too much – but the minute the words are out of their mouth you feel the light go out. You end the conversation and perhaps decide to email later to say ‘thanks, but no thanks’.
So, is this an extreme reaction?
Well, no – I don’t think so. We do hear a lot about how the dating game is skewed in favour of guys, especially as we look at older age groups, but the truth is that with on-line dating we’re still pretty privileged when it comes to choice. We have a lot of choices – and as we get older we also tend to be a lot surer of what we want out of life and what we will and won’t put up with. Whether you’re a casual dater, a busy professional, or a mature dater, you’ll have your boundaries and the most important thing for your own health and mental well-being is going to be to know when to enforce those boundaries and when to let something slide in case it’s a momentary aberration.
I guess what I’m really saying is don’t underestimate the power of your gut instinct. How many of us have ignored them and then found ourselves hoping the date will be over quickly, or that you don’t get stuck with this person? The odds are that if you get that feeling that it won’t work out, then you should listen to it. Why spend time with someone who won’t connect with you over something that you feel is fundamental to you?
Instinct is a powerful tool, so don’t be afraid of following it if your potential date creates what is, for you, a deal-breaker moment. By the same token, your instincts may tell you to ignore it and press on anyway – either way, let your instincts bring the fun to you.