It’s fair to say that no one likes getting dumped. Those four little words: “We need to talk” are among the most fearsome in the English language. But there’s one thing more stressful, and that’s being the one needing to do the dumping. Having someone break up with you is relatively simple after all. You can get angry and sad in equal measures, swear to yourself, listen to angst-laden music and eat your own body weight in junk food before you start realising that they were a lousy kisser anyway. Before you know it, you’ve moved on.
On the other hand, being the person to end a relationship puts you in the position of being the one breaking someone else’s heart. It’s hard to think of yourself as a good person while causing the other person pain. That’s why so many people try to get out of it by just disappearing, or using the infamous ‘text dumping’ technique. But come on, we all know that’s even worse. So – how can you end your relationship while still being able to think of yourself as a decent person?
- Do it face to face if you can. I know it’s hard but really it’s the bravest and most honest option. The other person isn’t left wondering what happened and really it all comes down to being a matter of respect.
- If you can’t do it face to face, then use the telephone. It’s really not as ideal, but it’s a hell of a lot better than using text, email or your favourite chat client because you’re still having a dialogue and getting some closure.
- Give proper reasons. You don’t have to go into vast graphic detail about their perceived faults, and try to avoid clichés, but it really is ok to say it just isn’t working for you and why.
- Don’t give them false hope. Suggesting that you can still be friends or that something may work out down the line is just plain insensitive. Just don’t go there. You’re breaking up, don’t play with their emotions any further.
- Leave them alone when you’ve done it. Hanging around or appearing afterwards is just sending mixed signals that won’t help either of you move on.
- Accept that they’re going to hate you for a while. These are powerful emotions running around but after they’ve got over the pain and shock of it they’re more likely to respect you if you’ve not played any games and you’ve been straight with them.
All this may sound harsh, but it’s all about showing them the respect due of being honest with them, giving them concrete reasons, no false hopes and not muddying the waters afterwards. If you can manage this then you can hold your head up high.