One of the downsides of coming out of a long term relationship can be the temptation to take the blame and be overly critical of yourself. It can be very easy to think that there’s something wrong with you or assume that the end of a relationship means that you are no good at them. This completely overlooks the great things about you and shatters your confidence.
Getting over a breakup is much the same as getting past any unpleasant event that we have to deal with. You can take it personally, beating yourself up for making mistakes and focussing on what you think are flaws, or you can take another approach.
Instead of worrying about imperfections and becoming cynical, try instead to take a positive stance. Try to be more objective about the past relationship and who you are, and don’t forget to let your friends support you. By focussing on your strengths and making a few adjustments you can start to recognise that bright future.
Here’s a few tips to help you on the way:
- Talk to your friends about your strengths in relationships – it can be very difficult to be objective about your own talents and strengths, so ask your friends. Even if you are shy about recognising your own worth, they’ll be first to highlight what makes you stand out.
- List for yourself what makes you good in relationships – it’s a great way to firm up your belief in yourself. Think of all the good things about yourself and that have been brought up by your friends to remind yourself of all the amazing things you can offer a new partner.
- Remember the best moments in past relationships – this isn’t a matter of looking back to deny the breakup happened, but instead to remind yourself that you can succeed and be happy.
- Really think about what you’re looking for in a new partner – give yourself maybe ten minutes a day to think about what you’re looking for. Imagine the places you’ll go on dates, how you’ll introduce yourself to their friends and relatives, and just how dynamite you’ll be when you’re intimate with each other. It’ll both make you positive about the future and allow you to set some goals so you’ll recognise success when you get there.
If you can avoid the trap of getting bogged down with the negatives and the “what if” moments that come with the end of a relationship you’ll be far better placed to take advantage of the new opportunities that now lie before you. Allow yourself to believe you are awesome, and you’ll actually start to be awesome. It is that simple.