It should go without saying that we’re not all capable of being a headline stand-up comedy act, or of being able to hold a whole room rapt with attention as a raconteur of shaggy dog stories, but being able to share your sense of humour with a new date can go a long way in building that initial chemistry between you.
Time and again in surveys, people list a sense of humour as being among the most important things that they look for in a potential partner, and it is seen as an essential indicator of someone being good at sustaining relationships.
Recent research by French psychologist Nicolas Guegen has looked at the role of humour and laughter in the dating game, and the conclusions are that a sense of humour makes you very much more desirable. His studies show that women, for instance, are three times more likely to give out their phone number to someone who has made them laugh than to someone who doesn’t. These men are generally perceived to be more sociable, intelligent and attractive if they are funny.
When you are dating, the advantages seem obvious. Laughter and jokes can ease any tension between you and make difficult subjects easier to broach. This can help transform tricky moments while you are still figuring each other out. Laughter can also help ease each other into encounters with each other’s social circles and family, which can be extremely stressful. A good laugh at and with each other can also help lighten your mood if you are feeling low, so there’s a supportive aspect to it as well.
But as with anything, it’s a matter of balance, and inappropriate humour can be a huge turn-off. Cheesy pick-up lines or opening jokes that are just plainly over-rehearsed just really will not impress anyone. Neither will an attempt to make backhanded joke criticisms, followed by a meek “just kidding”. In general, being inappropriate, crass or overly sexual too early will have your date heading for the door without you.
It may seem like a minefield, but generally you should be fine to exhibit your funny side if you relax and just let it happen. Be aware of where you are and the context of your conversations to keep a general watch over where the conversation is flowing, and you will be fine. Remember instead that no one likes a try-hard, and this is as true when it comes to humour, with and conversation as in anything else.