Dan Slater’s article in The Atlantic paints a picture of a generation of serial first date seekers who reject the notion of monogamy. His story of Jacob, a philanderer with a line of pretty women lining up to hook up with him is used to illustrate his contention that online dating is making people both more picky in their search for new relationships, and less likely to work out the difficulties in their existing relationships.
He argues that these two sides of the coin are more in evidence because people are aware that there are many more alternatives available to them. Perhaps, like Forest Gump, people are more likely to treat life as a box of chocolates, because they never know what the next one will be like.
The problem, as a number of critics have argued, is that there simply is no evidence to support the argument that online dating – or more traditional forms of dating for that matter – is having this impact on the way we form and maintain relationships. In both the US and Australia, the rate at which people are getting married is staying roughly the same, while the rate at which people seek divorces has actually been in decline over the last decade.
The number of women in their 30s on the dating scene is much higher than it has been in many years. In large part this has come about as a result of more women having devoted their 20s to education, careers and generally enjoying life. This has left them with a shrinking pool of available men of the same age and equivalent educational and professional level on the market. Girls have been outperforming boys educationally for many years; and census results seem to indicate that when it comes to dating in your 30s, the traditional complaint that “all the best men are taken” may actually have more truth in it than is entirely comfortable.
The problem is that this cultural mix has nothing to do with online dating. The original article highlights a promiscuous single male in a dating pool with many women looking for relationships. Are we really saying that some men are promiscuous is news?
Huge numbers of people of all ages are indeed meeting up online. Experience is showing that matching people up in this more convenient way does nothing more than increase the likelihood of finding a good match. Yes, as anyone who has used an online dating service can tell you, you still have to work at it, and the system has its flaws, but posing a threat to marriage and monogamy isn’t one of them.